As this thought provoking and rather depressing sunday comes to an end I see the think thru process was a hard one over several months, I had a light bulb over the head moment today. As the voices in my head have kept saying all the efforts I did in paxtial and other stuff never did any good cause they can't. That there are no solutions and if there were i wouldn't be capable of carrying them out anyway, that all the time, money, and energy i have put into this has accomplished nothing. One of the ways these voices get into our heads is thru others and how we perceive ideas. There are adversarial forces that put people in our path who manipulate things and then guide us to think a certain way. It will espically happen here because we are trying to do good. The light bulb over the head moment came when I asked, did I have any more answers before signing up for paxtial? Was i farther ahead in any way back then?what did i have figured out back then that made me more of a success? And how has paxtial taken me downhill? It's possible for choices to take people downhill but when I thought how was life better before paxtial or even martial, how was i better? That's when I realized I had very few answers back then, and guess what, life didnt look the best back then, I have a few answers now, so the idea that paxtial, you can apply this to other stuff too, has no answers, look at life before and life after and it is easy to see this is an empty argument. Look for this to happen because we are trying to do things right and there will always be resistance to it.

Ed & Baer Parker: Our dear friend, brother, and Paxtial Arts Ambassador John Kerecz, passed away May 16, 202. He was a remarkable man with a vast wealth of knowledge, a vibrant spirit, and a compassionate heart. He was an invaluable member of our online team of International Peacemakers called the Paxtial Arts. John was a highly intelligent man who brought immense joy to our circle of Paxtial Artists. The news of his passing deeply saddens my wife Baer and I. He will be sorely missed. Aloha nui and maluhia until we all meet again brother, Ed and Baer Parker.

Soon after waking up this morning I was asking how can I explain why those of us who are in paxtial and martial arts are doing it. I don't really need an explination for myself but how do we explain it to others? Why do we not give up when we see a lot who do? there have been many I thought would continue but havn't. What keeps us paying for Paxtial and doing all these lessons, working at the physical aspects, and most of us are continuing with martial and we are working at that. What drives us to keep up with the paxtial, the martial, the tai chi, as well as all the stuff not martial arts related but we feel strongly the need to do as well? it's been my experience the world thinks we are doing it out of a love for, whatever it is, in this case martial and paxtial, since that's what we are talking about right now. We might have a love for it and find happiness in it alright but that is a shallow milk toast answer, it doesn't really answer it. I've thought about it over the day and this is what I think, See if you agree and maybe you can add to this. Most of us who do this have set the bar for ourselves pretty high. I believe many of us are in a situation where we know there were several things we were meant to do in this life. As such we are taking ownership of our lives to get there. Probably most of have had experiences that led us to martial arts then discovered paxtial which wasn't available till now. I think deep down we know that to be peacemaker, and many other roles this prepares us for we have to become that person, in other words transform. Everyday I pray I can transform. I think we realize to play this role and play it in up coming times it is going to be up to us to be the strength others don't have. In other words be the person we need to be. That's never easy. When we ask is it worth it? we keep coming up with yes, and that's the person who becomes blackbelt and gets 144 lessons in pax. It's all about becoming